We won't sleep together?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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