I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Your dad touched me again.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
