The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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