It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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