Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You're so nebulous sometimes
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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