I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
