Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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