I puked a lego.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
