If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
