So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
