Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
