i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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