cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
