I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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