It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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