Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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