i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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