singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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