no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My liver just broke up with me...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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