I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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