How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
