ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
