I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
