Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
