My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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