Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
