Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
