You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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