Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
