i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want her autograph on my taint
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
