I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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