So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
