You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
