and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
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Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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