I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
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I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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