the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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