they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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