im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
