I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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