can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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