Me too!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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