The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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