i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
