Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
