Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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