No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if only i could text you this smell
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize