Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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