I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
