I think my vagina is haunted
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
