What did we do last night that was yellow?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
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I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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