i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
