How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
