Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
