drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
