You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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