Someone shit on the floor
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
