Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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