Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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