I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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