Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
