I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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