she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
