I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
