Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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