OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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