found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
