mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize