I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
