Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
