hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
