bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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